Twhylight
by Tprinces
Summary: After containing a small ghoul outbreak in a local video store, Seras convinces Alucard to spend a night watching a nice movie. However, no amount of monsters could prepare them for the horror that they had stumbled upon.


This is a bit more of a funny fanfic as far as Hellsing goes. I must confess, this isn't an original idea. I saw a fanfic like this one a while ago, but Integra and Seras were so out of character that it bugged me. So I figured I'd do my own version of it; I did really like the idea of it. If you like Twilight, please abstain from reading this. My first one was… urm… well I can't really explain it… but read it anyway! XD so here we go.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hellsing.

**Twhylight**

The gnawing, growling noises of ghouls were noises no one could easily forget. And as Seras loaded her gratuitously large weapon, she groaned on the inside, wishing their incisive moaning would stop. Currently, Hellsing was attempting to quarantine a local video rental store. As it turned out, the manager happened to be a rogue vampire who took his bad day out on his clientele and customers. It seemed that the vampire in question was a man made beast – the fact that small children were becoming ghouls was proof of the fact that he had the chip. Perhaps this was one of Millennium's failed experiments? Either way, the Hellsing Organization didn't have time at the moment to figure it out. Their first priority was killing all non living creatures, as ironic as it seemed. Seras propped her cannon like gun on a rack of DVD's, aiming it at the on slot of ghouls heading her way. Her weapon loaded, she began to fire. The shells easily knocked off a good portion of the tortured creatures, sending them in pieces to the floor. Seras grinned at her easy win, and was just about to report back to Sir Integra, when she felt something grab her shoulders.

"Wench!" the vampire cried. He still wore his manager work clothes, his name tag splattered with blood. "You killed my ghouls!" He bared his sharpened fangs, reading to tare off Seras's head, when his arm suddenly tore from its socket, flying across the room. He howled in pain and gripped his bloody stump, tumbling backwards. Gunshot residue burned his dismembered shoulder. Seras looked up, heart leaping.

"Master!" Alucard smiled as she called him by his title. The Jackal sat in his gloved hand, smoldering. He slid easily into the room, shooting a couple of ghouls along the way.

"Honestly, Police Girl," he said smoothly. "Can't you do anything for yourself?"

Seras frowned. "Police Girl" again. They had been fighting together for a while, so Seras had hoped that Alucard would call her by her name. But her thoughts were distracted as the vampire they were fighting hissed loudly.

"You took away my arm!" he shrieked, his face contorted demonically. "You'll pay for this!" He lunged for the two. Alucard, not the least bit unnerved by the oncoming attack, held up his dark gun, and shot. A single bullet penetrated the vampire's head, causing his body to turn to blood ridden ash. Alucard gave a satisfied smile, slipping the gun into the holster.

"Very nice shot, Master!" Seras praised. She looked around, making sure all the ghouls were silenced, just in case. She spotted something sitting on the "New Releases" shelf. It caught her eye. She walked over and picked it up. It was a dark, attractive looking movie case, with gothic style lettering. On the cover was a picture of two young teenagers. And above them read the title: _Twilight._

"Master," she said, looking at it. She turned to Alucard, who was currently briefing Integra on the recent incident. Alucard turned to Seras, a vague look on his face. Integra also turned to her. "Um… I think I've heard of this before." She walked over to the others and showed them the movie. "I've heard it's really good and I've been wanting to see it. Um… Sir Integra, would you mind if I…?"

Integra looked the movie over. She then surveyed the decimated video store and shrugged. "If you'd like." Turning on her heal, she headed out to speak to the others who had set up a perimeter. Seras brightened and turned to Alucard.

"Oh, will you watch it with me, Master? You might like it. It's about vampires, I think."

Alucard lofted a brow, interest slightly peeked. "Is it?" He took the movie from her grasp and glanced at the back. He then shrugged. "The night is still young. And there's not much in the way of dinner here. All right." With a bright smile, Seras rushed over to the counter. She placed twenty dollars on the counter top and scanned it. After which, the two vampires headed back to Hellsing manor. Seras was excited, and played with the DVD as they traveled back home. In a way, she was hoping that it would add a sense of normalcy into her now bizarre way of life. Though she couldn't really think of Alucard with a box of popcorn in his lap.

Walter greeted them as they entered, asking them how their mission went. "It went smoothly, thank you, Walter. Tell me, you wouldn't happen to have a television and DVD player, would you?" Walter looked mildly surprised.

"We do," he replied. "What for?" Seras showed him the movie.

"I found it after we finished," she replied. "Why don't you watch with us?" Upon seeing the title, Walter's brow twitched. There was a look of disdain washing through his eye.

"Um… No thank you, Miss Seras…" He looked up to Alucard. "Will you be watching the movie as well, Alucard?"

"Yes," said the vampire. He took off his glasses, frowning. "Why? Is there something wrong with it?" Walter seemed to be suppressing a grin by this point.

"No, nothing," he said, putting his hands up. He turned. "I'll bring the equipment into your room, Miss Seras. Why don't you two get comfortable?" Seras nodded, though she could have sworn Walter left the room snickering.

So, Seras and Alucard headed to the former's bedroom. Seras sat on her coffin, and Alucard brought in a chair of his own. Walter came in soon after, rolling in a small TV and DVD player. Alucard waited for Seras and Walter to set it up by pulling out a blood pack and poking a straw through the top. Once the movie was ready to go, Seras sat back on her coffin, and Walter left them, allowing the two to enjoy the movie. Alucard placed his hat on the knob atop the chair behind him as the movie started.

"So… this is about vampires?" he asked his servant.

"I think so, yeah," said Seras. "It's based on a book, I hear. I haven't read it, but it's been a best seller for a while now. So I'm guessing the movie's good."

Alucard nodded and slurped at his blood, watching the movie through his glasses. It began a bit slow, with the story of a young teenaged girl from Arizona. _I'm guessing she isn't the vampire,_ Alucard thought to himself. _Though she is pale enough. Still, she's weaker then Seras appears to be. I hope this gets a bit better._ Finally, the male vampire seemed to be introduced. Alucard could differentiate between the splotches of make up the boy actor had to have applied and real skin.

"They don't do a very good job with make up, do they?" he remarked, his straw between his teeth. Seras shrugged.

"I guess so…" said Seras. "He doesn't really look like a vampire… But with what I've seen so far, who knows?" Alucard said nothing and continued to watch. He paused.

"Wait a minute…" He tapped his blood pack. "Even an overcast day has sunlight… Unless these vampires are like me." _Which I highly doubt,_ Alucard added in his mind. He remained silent until Edward – the vampire – remarked that he could read minds. Alucard frowned. "Well now that's just idiotic. What kind of vampire reads minds?"

"You can't?" Seras asked. "But I thought you could…"

"No," he said, sipping more of his blood. "Telepathy is different then 'mind reading'. He wouldn't be able to go into someone's mind without them knowing. What kind of movie is this?" Seras didn't seem to have much of an answer, and they continued to watch.

"_You're incredibly fast and strong. Your skin is pale white and deathly cold."_

"_Say it Bella…"_

"_Vampire…"_

"Well no shit," Alucard spat, now in a bit of a sour mood. "Honestly, how stupid is this girl? You'd think she'd take a hint after a couple of signs."

"It… is kind of obvious…" Seras agreed, a bit disheartened. _Though it's not like Master is inconspicuous either… Then again, it's not like he's trying to blend in._

They watched as Edward and Bella went on some sappy dialogue, making Alucard simply sick to his stomach. He sucked out the last of his blood, now gnawing at the plastic. Finally, Edward claimed that his true form was shown in sunlight. Alucard finally grinned.

"Finally," he said, leaning back. "Maybe he'll prove to be a little less of a pansy. Or catch on fire…" He paused. "On second thought, I hope he catches on fire." He crossed his arms, the empty blood packet hanging from his fangs. He watched as Edward stepped into the sun, and then –

"_Ppppfttt!_"

Alucard's blood packet went flying from his lips, as he spat it out in pure shock. He stared at the screen, mouth agape. Seras, who didn't notice the flying blood packet, kept her eyes glued to the screen. She felt as though she was watching a car crash.

"I… I don't understand…" She pointed to the image. "Why is he sparkling?" She turned to Alucard. "You… don't sparkle in the sun, do you, Master?"

"No, I _don't!_" Alucard hit the arm of his chair, glowering at the screen. "I mean, what the hell!? Vampires don't sparkle!" He watched in horror as the "pretty" Edward glittered against the sun. He put a hand to his head, his vein twitching in irritation. "Please tell me it's over soon…"

"Um… not quite," said Seras in a small voice. Grudgingly, Alucard turned his eyes to the television, watching as a sickening montage of frolicking began. Now was perhaps the only time Alucard ever wished for his death. He watched in agony as Edward explained that he and his family were "vegetarians".

"Why am I still here?" Alucard groaned miserably, putting his hand to his forehead. Yet, something drew him to continue to watch the horrid movie. Just with Alucard was fingering his Jackal, he spotted something resembling an actual vampire. James was the character's name.

"It's about time someone showed up," Alucard said, arms folded across his chest. "I had better see him rip Bonnie apart."

"Um… I think her name's Bella," Seras corrected.

"Do you honestly think I care?" Alucard said, turning his gaze to her. Seras shut her mouth and turned her eyes back to the television. And of course, like most stereotypical movies, it ended with a "happy ending". As the credits started, Seras stood to turn it off, when a bullet destroyed the small TV screen. She turned to see Alucard, gripping his smoking gun.

"I am never letting you pick out a movie again," he told Seras. Standing, he put his hat back on and stormed out of the room. Seras sighed and slipped into her coffin, now very tired.

_A woman sat, typing away frantically on a key board. She huffed, mumbling to herself as she wrote. She was so busy, she didn't notice a dark, tall figure forming from the shadows behind her. _

"_Stephanie Mayer?"_

_The woman sat up and turned around. "Yes?" she asked curiously. She didn't have time to say much else, however, as a large gun was pushed to her forehead, and her entire skull blown into pieces. Alucard grinned at the gore and put his gun away. _

"_Ah… Justice at last…"_

Alucard sighed at his fond daydream, his gun loosely in his hand. "Master would have my head," he muttered out loud. He tapped the gun barrel to his temple in thought. "Although… it may be worth it…"

Well, there you have it 83 that's how I think Alucard react to Twilight. If you want to read a more serious Hellsing story, I have one that needs a few more reviews. It's called "My Master" and I consider it to be one of my better ones. Review!

~T.


End file.
